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Harry Potter Alternate Universe >> GP-ers go to Hogwarts: Year Four by CassandraSerenity

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Ch (then the number) - Name of the chapter - By Author

If you would like to join GP-ers go to Hogwarts you may do so up until the sorting chapter or to when the visiting students arrive. To find out more about this please see our newbie thread. Thank you.


Ch 1 – Shattered World – By Cassandra

White foam formed on the turbulent waves as they rolled and pounded on the pebbled beach leaving behind small patches of foam that slowly died in place. The ocean was rough and foul with gray skies holding steady over head mirroring the dark expressions of her heart. It was funny how she had always come here for cheering up, finding beauty in its waters. Now she found herself staring at the remorseless tides, seeing them for the danger and brutality that they held. Nothing could drive the pain away as it began to seep into her soul. She was becoming as lost as a pebble tossed into the ocean, but she doubted even the ocean could smooth out the jagged edges of her emotions.

It had only been a week since they had returned to Tranquility Grove. Daniel excited and living with a smile of his face since Juliet had told him about their request for adoption. She knew she should have been happy for her friend. He had been like a brother to her for nearly two years now and soon that would be the reality of it. Try as she might though the smile faded too quickly and her words were caught in her throat. Maybe it would be better if Daniel wasn’t dragged into this family full of lies. He might be safer.

Ray had kept to her promise making an honest effort to reach out to her cousin, trying to pull her back from the brink. Invitations to run or share in other workout activities were offered even though they both knew Cassandra would say no. She had never been as active as her cousin and soon-to-be-brother. The refusals never stopped Ray from asking the next day and the day after that. It was sweet how Ray tried to bridge the gap, a constant reminder that someone wanted to include Cass.

Once back at Tranquility Grove Cassandra found it hard to walk the silent halls of her family home. Reminders of what she had learned about her father seemed obvious now screaming out at her demanding to know why she hadn’t seen the truth before now. Her father’s narrow eyes always looking around him as the weight of his conscience made him suspicious of everything. His rat like features made her shutter as she remembered how he had transformed in front of her from Ron’s annoying pet rat to the father she had once idolized.

Mental lashing herself she tried to erase that thought from her head. No, she couldn’t think that he had once been a great man because he hadn’t. It had all been a lie. None of it was real. Nothing in her life felt real any more and no one else seemed to even notice.

Picking up a stone from the beach she felt its smooth and round edges. It was cold in her fingers, but felt nice. Lifting it up she touched it against her check and felt its cold seep into her numbing her to the pain. But it didn’t really numb her. It only left her skin cold and heart still breaking. In a flash of anger she threw the rock as hard as she could. Not even the earth was willing to forgive her and give her comfort now.

There was a voice inside of her that was growing louder. It told her that she didn’t deserve to be forgiven and that everything her father had done was her fault. Cruel and heartless the voice didn’t relent as it continued to tell her over and over again how she had been the cause of everything. She was the reason behind so much loss and there was nothing she could ever do to change that.

With the voice was an anger that she had never felt before. She had lost her temper more times than she would like to admit and she had even been cruel before like she had been with the little first year last year. This was more. The anger inside of her, building slow and steady, was pure and raw. When she felt it her entire insides burned with hate and she wasn’t sure why. Everything made her angry, everything was against her and everything had to be destroyed. It scared her.

That anger was in her now. Teeth clenched together she felt like screaming at the heavens and raining fire down to scorch the earth that had forsaken her. It wouldn’t stop, growing larger in her chest filling her up with pain and sorrow and rage. Finally she couldn’t take it any more and screamed as loud as her lungs would let her. With the piercing noise came a crack that sounded like thunder rumbling from close by and ledge of stone from a pillar off shore fell into the sea.

Once she had screamed until her lungs wouldn’t let her scream any more she doubled over breathing heavy and feeling a new physical pain in her ribs. It was good, the pain of something real that didn’t carry with it emotions that wanted to over power her. She could be happy with type of pain.


The name was soft and unsure, but made her jump higher than she had ever before. Losing her footing she fell back into the tide, its freezing waters splashing up her legs and back. Covering her hair in water and soaking her down to her skin.

In a rush of brown Professor Lupin was next to her helping her up. His caring brown eyes reminded her so much of George Weasley’s eyes. How their chocolate depths were comforting and always warm when they looked at her. Lupin’s eyes held the same warmth in them now, but his instead of comfort they shown with concern. “Are you alright?”

The question seemed funny. Of course she wasn’t alright the entire world was falling down around her. Saying that out loud didn’t feel right though. She couldn’t put into words how much she hurt and why she hurt so much. Guilt at her friends and family knowing the real reason Harry was an orphan haunted her. “Fine, just wet.”

With a few waves of his wand Cassandra’s hair and clothes were dry again. Secretly she wished he had let her drowned or at least stay shivering in the cold ocean water. It was only what she deserved.

“Cassandra,” he began tentatively, “I wanted to come and talk to you since…”

The older man looked away, unable to bring up the night they both knew they were talking about. Cassandra found that even she couldn’t mention that night. Not in front of someone else at least. In her own private room she relived every detail of it, but seeing how Lupin couldn’t look at her now only made her feel worse.

“I wanted to talk to you even since I left Hogwarts,” he said after a long pause. “You were still in the infirmary and I didn’t think….” When he did finally look at her again she felt sorry for the older man. He was beaten, maybe even worse than she was, by what had happen that night. “I could have…” he shuttered. “Its better this way,” he tried again this time with a falsely positive tone. “I won’t hurt anyone and you’ll all be safe.”

Unable to hold back a sharp laugh Cass felt an immediate pain at it. Trying to make amends she looked at her Professor with honesty. “We’re never ‘safe’ professor. We might be ‘safer’ at Hogwarts, but that’s not the same thing.”

“You are safe,” Lupin said calmly, but the words felt hallow to Cass.

Gritting her teeth Cass couldn’t contain the anger and pain she felt. “We had a killer living with us for the last three years. A killer sat beside me and watched me in my bed. We were not safe.”

“Peter would never have,” he began with a look of horror.

It was the name that did it. Saying his name out loud had brought them to the place that neither of them had wanted to go. Cassandra felt like she had been a slapped with the name of her father, her check still stinging where it had landed. “We don’t know do we?” she barely managed to get out. Her eyes stung, but she refused to let herself cry. Not this time.

Lupin stood in silence for several minutes before he spoke again. “You were his world. He would never had hurt you. No matter what you think of him now he did love you.”

Bile rose up the back of Cass’s throat. He wouldn’t hurt her? No, he would kill for her. Murder his own friends all in her name. She wanted to throw up.

Shaking his head Lupin looked defeated. “I didn’t come here to upset you Cassandra. I wanted… I honestly don’t know what I wanted, but I needed to tell you that it would be okay. Jewels, I mean your mother, she just couldn’t figure out what to do or say to you. But you’re a smart girl, brilliant even, you know that it’s not your fault. We can’t change people and sometimes they hide who they really are from us.”

Cassandra didn’t speak. He had managed to articulate all of her fears at one time without even knowing it.

“Your mother has asked me to come around a few times this summer. Would that be alright?” There was longing in his voice as it closed up before he finished his sentence. He was worried about her reply.

“Of course it’s alright,” Cassandra said softly. She knew that it wasn’t for her, but her mother that he asked. At least one of them might be able to make a future after Peter had shattered their worlds.

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