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Ginny Potter - A Harry Potter Fanfiction Archive and Community -- Fictioneer
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HP related Poems, songs, etc. >> Lord Voldie-mort by fairies_r_real

Simple Text - To view MORE chapters use the chapter jump box to the right.
The night was dark; the moon was being covered by thick, black, thunder-storm clouds. Hogwarts loomed up in the distance, only showing specks of candle-light, that were one-by-one, being blown out as everybody settled down for the night. Perfect, they thought.

They sneaked up the winding path up to the castle, keeping to the walls as best they could. Even though, it was pitch black, they didn’t want anybody to catch them, when they were so close to achieving their dream.

The staircases are deserted as they approached Dumbledore’s office. Absolutely perfect, they thought.

They found the gargoyle who was supposed to protect the front of his office, gone, allowing them an easy way up. Did we take some Felix Felicis by mistake, or something? This is to good to be true, they thought.

Quiet singing could be heard coming from the bedroom as they reached the top of the stairs. They all exchanged looks of confusion. Biting back the laughter, they slowly crept towards the bedroom door. Dumbledore was standing with his back to the door, dressed in a long purple dressing gown, combing his beard.

One of them pulled out their wand.

“Petrificus Totalus!”

With a crash, Dumbledore fell to the ground, his eyes darting all around him.

“Mwahahahahaha!” One of them shouted. “We’ve got you now. Mwahahahaha!”

“Mwahahaha!” Another one laughed. “Mwahahahaha! Mwahahahaha! Mwahahahah . . .”

The first one slapped him, bringing him sharply out of his moment of madness, and pulling his ear.

“Shut up! Do you want the whole castle to hear us?”

A third one appeared out of the darkness and spoke up quietly,
“Actually, nobody will hear us because we casted the “Muffliato” spell on the way in.”

The second one pulled away from the first one’s painful grasp.
“Ha! Mwahahahahahaha . . .”

They laughed wildly and loudly as they shoved Dumbledore into the black bin-bag.

Got him. Perfect.




Pulling off the bin-bag, Voldemort smiled. Dumbledore laid there, the affects of the spell wearing off. Flicking his wand lazily, ropes wrapped themselves around Dumbledore’s body.

”Well, well, well, what have we here?
[Dumbledore], huh?
Oh, I'm really scared
So you're the one everybody's talkin' about, ha, ha,
” laughed Voldemort, stroking Dumbledore’s cheek with a thin, spider-like finger.

”You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my eyes
You're jokin me, you gotta be
This can't be the right guy
He's ancient, he's ugly
I don't know which is worse
I might just split a seam now
If I don't die laughing first.”


”When [Lord Voldie-mort] says
There's trouble close at hand
You'd better pay attention now
'Cause I'm [Lord Voldie-mort]
And if you aren't shakin'
Then something's very wrong
'Cause this may be the last time now
That you hear the [Voldie} song, ohhh.”


He strutted away, waving his arms in the air.

”Ohhh,” Crabbe, Dolohov and Goyle sang, appearing out of the darkness on the right hand side of Voldemort.

”Ohhh,” Voldemort sang.

”Ohhh,” Jugson, Greyback, Bellatrix, MacNair, Mulciber, Nott and Rosier sang, appearing from the left hand side of Voldemort.

”Ohhh,” Voldemort sang again, twirling in a circle.

”Ohhh, he's [Lord Voldie-mort],” Jugson, Greyback, Bellatrix, MacNair, Mulciber, Nott and Rosier sang again, waving their hands up in the air.

”Well if I'm feelin' antsy
And there's nothin' much to do
I might just cook a special batch
Of snake and spider stew
And don't ya know one thing
That would make it work so nice?
A roly-poly [Dumbledore] to add a little spice,”
Voldemort yodelled, picking Dumbledore and spinning him around in a fast circle.

”Ohhh,” Rookwood, Pettigrew and Travers danced, appearing out of the floor in front of Dumbledore.

”Oh, yeah,” Voldemort sang, deepening his voice.

”Ohhh,” Crabbe, Dolohov and Goyle sang again, appearing on the right hand side.

”Ohhh,” Voldemort danced again, thoroughly enjoying himself.

”Ohhh,” Crabbe, Dolohov and Goyle sang again; Crabbe and Goyle linking arms and dancing in a circle.

”Oh, yeah, I'm/he's [Lord Voldie-mort].” Voldemort, Rookwood, Pettigrew and Travers formed a line and did a kind-of bad line dancing.

Dumbledore spoke up.
”Release me now
Or you must face the dire consequences
The children are expexting me
So please come, to your senses.”


Voldemort shook his head, laughing hysterically.
”You're jokin', you're jokin'
I can't believe my ears
Would someone shut this fella up
I'm drownin' in my tears
It's funny, I'm laughing
You really are too much
And now, with your permission
I'm going to do my stuff.”


Dumbledore frowned, looking confuse, trying to ignore the laughing death-eaters as they ran around him, pinching his cheeks and tweaking his nose.
”What are you going to do?” he asked, dreading the answer.

Voldemort stop laughing; a slow grin creeping across his face. Oh how I love teasing people, leaving them in suspense. Then I can sneak up behind them and shout “Boo!” to spring on them my surprise, he thought.
”I'm gonna do the best I can

Oh, the sound of rollin' dice
To me is music in the aor
'Cause I'm a gamblin' [Voldie-mort]
Although I don't play fair

It's much more fun, I must confess
When lives are on the line
Not mine, of course, but yours, old boy
Now that'd be just fine.”


Dumbledore watched as the dice rolled around along the floor, watched as the playing cards flew out of Voldemort’s sleeve. Throwing a determined look across his face to hide the fact that he was really shaking in his boots, he said angrily,
”Release me fast or you will have to
Answer for this heinous act.”


Voldemort began laughing again at Dumbledore’s weak threat. Who can possibly threaten me? Me, the Dark Lord, the leader of the entire world? I’m great. Nobody can bring me down. Mwahahaha!!! He shook his head.
”Oh, brother, you're something
You put me in a spin
You aren't comprehending
The position
That you're in
It's hopeless, you're finished
You haven't got a prayer
'Cause I'm [Lord Voldie-mort]
And you ain't going nowhere.”


Slowly, he approached the wide-eyed Dumbledore, who was lying stiff on the floor, throwing the dice up and down in the air.

Got him. Perfect.


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