You all know the stories and hold them most dear,
Of dragons and maidens and knights without peer,
Of swordplay and magic and causes most just,
Of stout-hearted nobles who love without lust.

But dear lords and ladies, I must now confess,
When I tell a story, I strive for success,
And a tale of great love, left unrequited,
Would leave this bard from your hearth uninvited.

So my tale has a maiden of beauty devine,
A great flying lizzard with scales down his spine,
A knight of great prowess, a cause that is just,
Some swordplay, some magic, and a wee touch of lust.

On a destrier grey, the steed of a knight,
Which a non-horseman'e eyes would always call white,
Rode a figure in armor, tall, noble, and strong,
If you think 'here's our hero' I'll tell you- you're wrong.

The rider's our heroine bold, brave, and true,
A warrior maiden with blood that is blue,
And filled with great virtue and out on a quest,
To find a great dragon and put it to rest.

She'd met with a wizard by name of MacTrue,
Who gave her a sword and a shield that glowed blue,
And told of a dragon in kingdom of Gyre,
And said that this wyrm would soon fill her desire.

And so she rode off for to slay this great drake,
But soon she discovered, in armor she'd bake,
And so she stripped down by the side of a pool,
And jumped in the water to try to get cool.

At the edge of that pond, behind a waterfall,
Two beady eyes watched as she revealed her all,
From the side of a great toothy mouth, spittle flowed,
In the depths of that great dragon's chest, fire glowed.

At the side of the pond, the bushes were rent,
And out stepped that warrior known as Sir Pent.
He saw here a chance for to try out his lance,
Not the one on his horse, but the one in his pants.

He doffed off his armor revealing that tool,
Our maid shrieked in horror; swam deep in the pool,
He jumped in the water, intent on her rape,
Our maiden cried out- was there no escape?

Out from waterfall came a steaming express,
A dragon to rescue our maid in distress,
Up out from the water, a drake wings displayed,
Who placed himself there 'twixt the knight and the maid.

A blast from his throat of draconian fire,
Made evil Sir Pent to forget his desire,
And swim back to the bank where his black armor lay,
His lust to be sated on some other day.

But when he had fastened his last belt and clasp,
And mounted his steed, he gave out a gasp,
For there on a white destrier was a knight,
With a glowing blue sword, bared ready to fight.

He lowered his lance and he spurred on his steed,
He flipped down his visor, intent on his deed,
Off glowing blue shield his point it did glance,
A blue sword swept down and severed his lance.

He pulled out a new weapon, a great mace and chain,
And turned on his foe, intent to cause pain,
As that weapon spun 'round it glowed evil red,
And both knew that one of them soon would lie dead.

For an hour or more they banged and they bashed,
And then, one more time, together they crashed,
Then Pent saw a chance for a foul evil deed,
And with a great blow, he killed her fine steed.

Now the maid is on foot while Pent is on horse,
For she was the knight who had faced him, of course,
She stepped back from the carcass and tears filled the eyes,
That glared out in hatred at one she despised.

Then out from the woods came that same scally shape,
That scant minutes before had once saved her from rape,
With a swipe from his tail at the evil Sir Pent,
From his horse to the ground was that foul knight soon sent.

As that black knight arose and his steed it rode off,
The dragon spoke out in a voice harsh and groff,
"Now I shall stand back for to let you two fight,
But twice has this drake saved this maid from this knight."

On foot they now fought, blue sword and red mace,
A maiden of virtue, a knight of disgrace,
While off on the sidelines a dragon did sit,
Watching the two as they blocked or they hit.

By heat they were wearied, yet still the two fought,
Until, by the side of that pond, she was caught,
And as she stepped back her foot slipped off the edge,
And she tumbled down off that steep earthen ledge.

Pent cried out in victory and jumped down to gain,
His death-dealing blow causing ultimate pain,
But as he leapt down, she raised up her sword,
And up, through his crotch, was that foul villian gored.

His blood stained the water, his body twitched still,
The maiden looked down at this man, her first kill,
She took off her helmet and let down her hair,
Looked up at the dragon and cried in despair.

"Oh, dragon, I came to this land thee to slay,
But twice thou didst save me on this single day."
"Fair maid, wouldst thou slay me? What harm have I done?
I eat nought but fishes, I have harmed no one."

"I swore on my word that a dragon, I'd slay,
But I cannot harm thee who saved me this day,
And so, woe is me, for my vow I can't keep,
I must return and face my pennance deep."

But as she went back, word spread of her deed,
For she rode on the back of a great winged steed,
With a tear in her eye, she met with MacTrue,
Then handed, hilt first, back that sword that glowed blue.

"Oh, wizard I fear I have failed in my quest,
The dragon of Gyre is here as my guest,
For I cannot harm one whom I call a friend,
To the day that I die, his life, I'll defend."

MacTrue said, "Nay maiden, thou hast done quite well,
This great scally lizard is under a spell,
As for slaying a dragon, a wyrm or a drake,
Could any deny that Sir Pent was a snake?"

MacTrue cried out words that made maiden ears wince,
Then there, where that dragon was, now stood a prince,
She shrieked in delight as behind bush he hid,
For a drake needs no clothing, this handsome prince did.

Ignoring his nakedness, she kissed him there,
And ran her soft fingertips through his fine hair,
That young man just stood there and shivered and prayed,
That a knight would come by to save dragon from maid.