“No, Apple pie (1) is better!” yelled Harry at the top of his lungs. “Not-uh, cherry pie (2) is the best!” Ron yelled back. “Not-uh!” “Uh-huh!” “Not-uh!” “Uh-huh!” “You two knock it off,” yelled Hermione. “Apple is the best,” whispered Harry. “Fuck you,” Ron said back. “Excuse me, this is a classroom, not a hillbilly convention,” McGonagall said sternly from the front of the room. “Back to what I was saying before. Does anyone know where Mr. Malfoy is?” “Probably shagging that whore, Pansy,” whispered Ron to Harry. “Hello, I'm right here,” whispered Pansy from right in front of them. “Sure you are…” said Ron in a sarcastic voice. “I am,” snapped Pansy. “Miss Parkinson,” yelled McGonagall. “As I was saying, has anyone seen Mr. Malfoy, anyone? Anyone at all?” No one raised their hand when the door flew open and Draco Malfoy came in with his hair a muss. “Where have you been Mr. Malfoy? I hope you have a note…” she said as she pursed her lips. “Here,” muttered Draco and he handed her a note and sat down in his seat. “Ok, I guess I’ll have to excuse you seeing as Miss Weasley is a prefect. But may I ask why she kept you from class?” McGonagall asked as she put the pass in the trashcan. “It was…um…my wand was…um…being of a distraction, so she helped me calm it down,” he said staring up at her, waiting for her reaction. “Well, I'm glad she helped you out,” McGonagall came back with a smile. “Hey, that’s my sister!” yelled Ron from the back. “Yes she is, I am proud of her nobility too. Now Mr. Weasley please take a seat,” McGonagall said, turning back to the board. “Today we will be turning sausages into pies (3)…” McGonagall looked around the classroom in confusion. “Now where did I put those sausages? Oh yes, I left them in Professor Snape’s classroom. I guess we will have to continue this lesson another time. Bye class,” she said as they all filed out. “She is completely bonkers,” said Ron. “Where is that little skank?” Ron asked himself aloud. “You better not be talking about me again,” said Pansy from behind them. “No, I'm talking about my so-called baby sister. If I had just done Malfoy where would I be?” Ron pondered. “Hi Ron,” said Ginny popping out of nowhere. “How dare you loose your virginity to Draco Malfoy of all people,” yelled Ron. Hermione watched the scene and rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help but notice that it looked like Harry was slowly backing away. “I didn’t…I lost it to Harry last year,” said Ginny, defending herself. As soon as that statement fled her mouth, Harry bolted down the hallway with Ron coming after him at full speed. “Mr. Potter,” said Snape as he appeared in front of Harry and Ron. “Running in the hallway…tsk tsk…I will have to take away 589 points from Gryffindor.” “What Professor, that’s an obscene amount!” yelled Hermione in outrage. “I think that calls for another 58 points, good day,” said Snape and he walked off. “If Snape is found dead somewhere, I just want everyone to know that it wasn’t me,” said Harry in a rather suspicious tone. “Oh God,” Hermione whispered. “What?” asked Harry and Ron in unison. “We have him next,” they all sighed and walked into the potions room. “Ew!” screamed Cho Chang from behind them. “What is it Cho?” asked Cho’s friend. “It smells like sausages in here,” said Cho. “This can't be good for my flawless skin.” “Hey Cho,” said Harry. Cho just gave him a dirty look. “Cho wants to know why you are talking to her,” said the girl who was following Cho around. “Because we’re friends,” said Harry. Cho looked at him again with the same look. “Cho wants you to know that you are not friends anymore. She also wants you to have this,” said the girl and she handed Harry her phone number. “Um…is this your phone number?” Harry asked the girl talking for Cho. “Marietta, what the hell is wrong with you? You don’t just go out with your friends ex boyfriends!” yelled Cho as they made their way up to their seats. Marietta looked back at Harry and waved at him. “Hello class, today we will…we will…Weasley, what is that your wearing?” asked Snape in what sounded like a two year-old girl. “A tie and a shirt and some black pants,” said Ron confused. “They so don’t go together. 34 points from Gryffindor because Weasley’s outfit clashes,” said Snape and he clear his throat getting his normal voice back. “We obviously can't work in here due to the large amount of over sized sausages. So I need a couple of people to go and take them to the Transfiguration room. How about Potter, Malfoy, Chang and Weasley,” said Snape. The three boys picked up their piles and headed to the door while Cho stood in her same place. “I'm a vegetarian,” whined Cho. “I didn’t ask you to eat them now did I,” Snape said Cheekily. Cho pouted and picked up her pile of sausages and followed the boys. Ron saw Ginny patrolling the hall in front of them. He looked to Draco and gave him a rude look. “Hey baby,” said Draco to Ginny. “Hi,” said Ginny. “What are you guys doing?” “Taking these sausages to McGonagall’s room,” answered Harry. “Can we keep walking this is disgusting,” whined Cho. “Shut up you bitch,” said Ginny. “Excuse me, like you should be talking,” said Cho rolling her eyes. “You talk to me again, and I'll beat you up side the head with that sausage,” yelled Ginny. “Then you better started beating,” said Cho throwing all but one sausage on the ground. Ginny ran over to her and grabbed the sausage out of her hand and began beating her with it. “Ow…you…bitch…get…off of…me!” yelled Cho from beneath Ginny in between each time Ginny hit her. Ginny broke off the end of the sausage and began shoving it in Cho’s mouth. “I wam aw vevitawinin.” “Now you’re a carnivore, bitch!” yelled Ginny. “Gin,” said Harry, and he pulled her off of Cho. Ginny looked down at Cho’s unconscious body. “You should take her sausages so McGonagall doesn’t get mad,” said Harry. Ginny agreed and picked up Cho’s sausages and followed the boys. They knocked on McGonagall’s door and came in. “Oh my God!” yelled Ron as he was the only one who could see in the door. “What is it?” asked Harry. “Oh my God,” Ron yelled again. “McGonagall, in…tight jeans!” Draco pushed past him and walked in the door, staring at the floor. “Here are your sausages,” he said, heading out of the classroom before he looked at her. The others followed and soon all that was in McGonagall’s room was her and her sausages. “I'm glad you’re all back,” she said to them. “I missed you Joey, and you Larry, and even you Julio. What the? Rudolph Shmitler, why is there a bite taken out of you?” McGonagall pondered to herself. “Oh well,” she said, and she began to devour Rudolph Shmitler in large bites at a time. “Mmm…sausage.”