Chapter 1: Tired of Being Sorry

It was just another hot afternoon in Little Whinging, Surrey located in south east of England. Youngsters had recently returned for summer holidays. Children could be seen in the playgrounds while teenagers can be seen wandering the streets or parks. Families could be seen enjoying themselves in various outdoor activities. 

While the normal inhabitants were busy planning out a fun summer, a teenage boy sat alone in his room in broad daylight, brooding. That boy was Harry Potter. But he was no ordinary teenager. He was a nearly sixteen year old wizard fresh from his fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He had messy black hair, emerald green eyes which were covered with heavy glasses. His most distinguishing feature was a lighting shaped scar on the right side of his forehead. His thin frame was covered with clothes four sizes too big for him but at the moment, he couldn’t care less. 

He had seen horrors in his life which no other persons even twice his age had experienced. The most recent one being the death of his beloved godfather, Sirius Black at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, one of Voldemort’s most loyal servants. He blamed himself for the entire ordeal. He had lead five of his friends into the Department of Mysteries in the ministry of magic after having a vision of Voldemort torturing Sirius which turned out to be a trap. A terrific battle took place among the death eaters and the members of the Order of the Phoenix which had came for the rescue of the teenagers. In the midst of the battle Bellatrix Lestrange threw a curse at Sirius Black which threw him through the Veil of Death in death chamber, resulting in his death.

It had been weeks since that night at the ministry but Harry was not able to come terms with it. Guilt consumed him. He felt guilty of luring his friends in danger and taking them on a wild goose chase resulting in Sirius’ death. Guilt of causing deaths of his parents and Cedric Diggory .To top it all, Professor Dumbledore have revealed the prophecy made shortly before his birth which stated that only he has the power to defeat Voldemort. According to Professor Dumbledore, this power was love. Harry could not believe that he was destined to kill one of the most evil wizard of all times, let alone with love. <i>How can someone be killed with love? Play a love song and dance with them until they pass out of emotion?</i> He mused.

 He was unable see the logic in Professor Dumbledore’s reasoning regarding his so called power. It was this prophecy which made his parents to go into hiding all those years ago. When he found out that only he can be the one to kill Voldemort, he felt guilty for deaths of his parents. He was tired of the depression, nightmares and the constant pain.

His friends, knowing his habit of sulking were trying to cheer him up. He received letters from his best friends Ron and Hermione but he cannot muster the energy to reply them regularly. At times he replied, his letters consist of no more than four lines. Other than his best friends Ron and Hermione, Fred and George: Ron’s elder twins brothers, Remus Lupin and even Nymphadora Tonks, Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom have written to him, urging to talk but most surprisingly  the only person he could open up to seemed to be his best friend’s sister, Ginny Weasley.
 
It was strange. They were not close until previous year when she had come out of her shell and befriended him. She used to be a shy and quiet around him but now she was her own person. Entire last year only she had been able to get through him during his mood swings and brooding sessions. He was starting to see her in a new light. She was no longer Ron’s little sister to him anymore. In her letters she had tried to cheer him up with her little jokes, informing of what was happening at the burrow and with the order, gently urging him to open up to her and talk but not pushing him beyond the limit. They were practically exchanging novels daily via owls. Her letters brought him strange kind of happiness and joy. Her letters were the brightest spots of his day and when he received mail, he saved her letter for the last.

Despite all this, Harry was still blaming himself for Sirius’ death. Nights were most horrible for him. He was unable get the image of Sirius falling through the veil out of his head. His nightmares were usually cocktail of passed traumatic events i.e., his parents death, Chamber of Secrets, the graveyard and the most recent one being Sirius falling through the Veil of Death  in Department of Mysteries. Every time he woke up from a nightmare, he cannot help screaming out aloud. Which was starting to get on the nerves of his relatives, the Dursleys who hated him and magic with passion.

The Dursleys were his last living relatives. Mrs. Dursley, was the sister of his mother. She hated her sister and nephew and the entire magical community. Harry was forced to live with the Dursleys because of the blood protection enacted by his mother’s selfless sacrifice. This protection would be in effect while Harry lived with his aunt and called Privet Drive his home. Now that he knew the reason to return every year, he still was not happy to be here.

Harry just sat on his bed, reading the letters of his friends over and over again, especially Ginny’s. It helped keeping his mind of Sirius and the prophecy. Right now, he was reading a previous letter from Ginny in which she had mentioned how Ron was still bothering her about the comment she made about Dean Thomas, a roommate of Harry and Ron. She had told him in the letter that she had said that just to get Ron off her back but he was still trying to interfere in her love life.

Strangely reading that Ginny was not going out with Dean Thomas brought Harry a strange kind of relief and joy, but he could not understand the reason. Maybe it was because he thought Dean was not the right guy for Ginny. Ginny was a fun, loving, caring, full of life and beautiful young woman. She deserved someone far better than Dean Thomas. In his opinion Dean Thomas was a prick. He didn't deserve her.
<i>But why does that matters to him so much?</i> He asked himself.

True she was the only he felt comfortable talking about his feelings. She was the only one who understood the affects of encounters with Voldemort. And she was the only one he felt talking to at the moment. Now-a-days she kept on popping in his thoughts. He could not understand the feeling. It was different with what he felt for Hermione. She was like sister, always nagging him about his homework, fussing over him and offering him advice. But the feelings for Ginny felt different. Just the thought of her made him happy. <i>Strange</i>, Harry thought.

After dinner Harry decided to get on with his homework but his mind was not into it. He was still amazed by the mystery that was Ginny Weasley. She was the only who was able to get through to him. She was the one who brought him out of his brooding on Christmas last year. She was the only one he listened to without blowing up. As night wore on he decided to try his best not to dwell on the tragedies of the past and look towards the future. He decided to act on Ginny’s advice and stop wallowing in self pity. He resolved not to blame himself for Sirius' death and begin to take care of himself. She had told him that he had done all he could but he still felt guilty. He couldn't help it. He sighed and pushed away all the depressing thoughts from his mind. His last thought before falling asleep was that he will ponder on Ginny and his feelings for her first thing in the morning.