I Hate Him ---

I hate his understanding smile, every single one 
And his sweet voice, saying it’s all going to be Ok. 
I hate his beautiful green eyes full of faith and hope
And his messy hair
I hate his warm embrace that makes me feel safe
And his gentle, soothing touch
I hate his kisses, those that make my knees weak
I hate that he’s always the one there supporting me
I hate that he understands what I feel and what I say,
And makes me feel so much better, even though I thought 
No one could make the pain fade away
I hate that he doesn’t trust me to take care of myself,
That he left without me because he thought I couldn’t
Handle it.
I hate even more that maybe, just maybe, he may be right
I hate that he cares, and he didn’t mean to hurt me.
That he only though of me when he said 
Forget me and move on.
I hate that I miss him so much already
I hate that I once told him I didn’t care
Because I did and still do
It tears my heart today to know that I was once so weak
When I thought I was so strong 
I hate that I’m going into despair 
But do you know what I despise?
I despise that I don’t hate him
I don’t. Not even a bit, not even at all
I love him.
I love him so much it hurts
I love his voice, his smile, and his eyes, there to tell me 
To stay strong
I love his arms, his touch and feel, there to help me up 
If I fall
I love his kiss, and everything about him.
I hate that I don’t hate him, that I’m lying to myself
I love him.